It Started with a Wand
by slytherin girla
Summary: Draco steals Hermione's wand right before Christmas break and she'll be damned if she doesnt get it back. She gets made over. Pranks are pulled. And what the hell are Fred George and Lee still doing at Hogwarts. first fanfic please read and review
1. The Set Up

**Chapter 1: And so it begins…**

"Pansy?" Hermione whispered "Where the hell are you?"

Hermione and Pansy had become friends after so many nights of Prefect duties. Therefore, the absence of her loud-mouthed counterpart was starting to make Hermione rather nervous. The halls around the Slytherin dungeons were as silent as a crypt and the intense darkness only made the ambiance more ominous.

"Pans, this isn't funny!" Though still whispering you could just make out the tremor in her voice.

"Who's trying to be funny?" A strangely familiar voice answered.

"Who's there?" Hermione let her voice ring through the corridor, sounding a lot braver than she felt.

Through the darkness a pair of black-gloved hands reached out towards Hermione. One covered her mouth and the other grabbed her left arm, yanking her into a dark classroom. Freaked out she bit down on the hand covering her mouth, which quickly retreated, and began to shout and punch randomly.

"RAPE! MURDER!" She shouted all the while flailing her hands wildly.

In a moment of brilliance she remembered her wand and began to use it to stab who ever it was that grabbed her. Then a muffled spell came from somewhere in the room and there was light.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Hermione yelled as she looked around, only to see Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy sprawled across the floor.

"I challenge you to a duel!" Draco shouted, jumping to his feet wand in hand already pointing it at Hermione.

"Mmph…" Hermione turned her head and saw Pansy in a corner with duct tape covering her mouth and binding her arms and legs.

"Have you both lost your minds?" Hermione questioned outraged at the scene before her. "You pull me into a dark classroom at night during my Prefect duties in order to _duel_? What in the bloody name of Merlin were you thinking?"

"Shut up Granger and duel me already! I don't let anyone embarrass me and get away with it!"

"Were 16! I can't believe this! It was a little prank, get over it!"

"NEVER! You, Pothead and Weasel humiliated me in front of the entire school and now you will pay!"

"Do you know what happens to nice girls in dark dungeons?" Blaise smirked changing tactics to scare her. Hermione rolled her eyes though inwardly shaking.

"No Zabini but what does that have to do with anything?" She asked with attitude. Being around Pansy had definitely rubbed off on her.

"Bad things Granger," Draco responded going along with Blaise's game "Bad for you anyway." He gave her body a long once-over, snapping any calm composure she had.

"Stop looking at me like that Malfoy." She took a step back as he swiftly moved forward.

"Blaise take Pansy back to the Commons will you mate? Granger and I have some _business_ to take care of."

"What type of business?" Hermione asked as Blaise swung Pansy over his shoulder.

"I dunno Granger what kind of business is normally discussed in a dark room at night?" Blaise responded, smirking as he left the room.

Turning her attention back to Draco she realized he was no longer there.

"BOO!" Came his voice from behind her. She jumped as he snickered while wrapping his arms around her slim waist. "Did I scare you? There's no need to be afraid of me Granger."

"No I am NOT scared of you! Now let me go right now Malfoy or else I will hex you into next year." She said louder than necessary as to reassure herself.

"What will you hex me with, a wand?"

"Of course with a wand what else would--" She suddenly stopped talking and turned to face him. Still in his arms both forced themselves to ignore how close they were to each other. "Malfoy…where is my wand?"

"Bye-bye!" He ran out of the door, her wand in his hand. "Next time don't let your guard down!" He laughed

"Shit!" Hermione mumbled. "This is going to be one hell of a story."

She was sprinting after him but was forced to give up when all of a sudden he disappeared. She returned to the Gryffindor common room in defeat. The only people still up were Fred, George and Lee.


	2. To Be A Gryff

Recap

_She was sprinting after him but was forced to give up when all of a sudden he disappeared. She returned to the Gryffindor common room in defeat. The only people still up were Fred, George and Lee._

"Hullo guys." She said flopping into an empty armchair.

"Hey Maya!" They responded in eerie unison.

"Maya," George said "you look like you were just ravished in a broom closet."

Before she could defend herself the boys continued.

"Wow you really do look like that." Lee agreed after taking in her disheveled appearance. "So who's the lucky guy?"

"Stop being stupid! No one was ravished and--" She was cut off.

"Okay then, explain the wild hair, flushed cheeks and messily arranged clothes." Fred said grinning in triumph.

"I was running." She said simply. Hermione would prefer not to delve into the whole Malfoy thing.

"Why?" Fred asked grin slowly slipping from his face.

"Um…" She began but was saved by her wild haired, green eyed buddy Harry.

"ELLO MATES, ELLO MAYA!!" He shouted and slurred.

"Erm… Harry are you alright?" Hermione asked while the three boys to her left laughed their arses off.

"OF COURSE I AM!! WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"Well…" At that moment Dean Seamus and Neville came stumbling down the stairs laughing.

"ELLO MATES, ELLO MAYA" Dean shouted "LET'S SING A SONG!!"

"OKAY!" Seamus and Harry responded enthusiastically. Neville was already passed out on the floor by the stairs.

Hermione, Fred, George and Lee watched amused while the boys sand their own rendition of "My Humps." Then George got the camcorder he stole from his dad and began to tape the crazy scene unfolding before them.

"My Humpity Humps" by Harry, Seamus and Dean

I drive the ladies crazy

I do it every day G

They treat me really nicely

They buy me pumpkin juice and icees…

"UM… WHAT GOES HERE MATES?" Harry asked

"I DUNNO…" Seamus responded

"OOOH I GOT IT!!" Dean shouted and continued the song

… I will hex yo momma

Hex yo ugly momma

Ugly momma

Hex yo ugly momma

So don't pull on my wand girl

You ain't the bomb girl

I'm just tryin to dance girl

And move my humps

My humps

My humpity humpity humps

My lovely lady lumps

"WAIT A MINUTE!! I don't have lady lumps." Harry exclaimed, ruining the boys' drunken choreography.

"Yeah me neither." The other boys said drunkenly thoughtful. The trio gazed at the four on lookers.

"We don't." Fred, George and Lee said in unison once again while Maya merely flushed.

"I DO" shouted Ron. He ran down the stairs in a pair of high heels and a revealing teddy Hermione would never wear again. "Hey Maya, I found this little doohickey in your trunk. You should wear it more often, it's cute."

All eyes were on a very red Hermione. She had a feeling that they were trying to picture her in it and that in itself was quite uncomfortable. The teddy was a silk black tank top that had lace across the chest area. On Hermione it came just below her butt and clung to her body while the slits on the side revealed her tan legs. On Ron on the other hand, it stopped just above his pelvic area and for some one with only a hot pink thong on it left him hanging out in every sense of the word.

"Er… you keep it." She mumbled and quickly turned around as so not to look at his _hem hem _assets.

"RON!! Go back upstairs and put some clothes on, boys clothes!" Fred shouted while Harry, Dean Seamus, Lee and George laughed hysterically.

"Fine!" He shouted back, put out that he couldn't be Fergie and show off his humps.

"Well… that was… odd. I'm off." Maya said heading towards the girls staircase.

"Oh no you're not." George said grabbing her arm and shutting off the camera.

"And why not?"

"You never answered why you were running." He said pushing her into a chair.

"Oh yea…" Fred and Lee said in unison.

Seamus, Harry and Dean had no idea what was going on and decided to go to bed.

"Oh that." Maya fought the blush from her face. "I actually don't quite remember…"

"Lie." The three boys said in a bored tone.

"C'mon My you can tell us." Lee said.

"There isn't really a reason, I was bored and started running. That and Mrs. Norris still freaks me out Prefect or not." She lied easily this time.

"That makes sense," Fred replied "she still freaks us out too and we don't even have badges to hide behind."

She rolled her eyes and smiled. Since she was always coming in late from patrol and they were still up she had become quite close to the trio. They were her second set of best friends, the first being Harry and Ginny. She and Ron had had a huge argument that even though she forgave him she would never be able to trust him again.

_FLASHBACK_

_She heard giggles, female giggles. She also heard Ron who was moaning from being pleasured. _'What the hell' _she thought to herself. Opening the door in front of her she saw a fifth year Hufflepuff on her back, legs spread wide. In between those legs, poised for entrance, was Ron's naked body._

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" She shouted. The girl had the good grace to blush and pull herself under some covers._

"_Uh…um…"Ron stuttered "Mione it's not what it looks like!" Hermione laughed bitterly._

"_Of course it isn't… because you aren't my boyfriend screwing some Ravenclaw!" She shouted sarcastically._

"_I'm in Hufflepuff" came a mumbling from under the covers._

"_You're going to be in a coma if you don't shut up!" Hermione shouted and watched as the lump of covers shivered. Turning back to Ron she continued._

"_We're through" She said simply "and I suggest you stay away from me."_

_She turned away from him, letting her tears fall and pointed her wand over her shoulder. Hermione mumbled a shrinking spell and it wasn't aimed for his head. _

_END FLASHBACK_

"Uh… Hermione?" Lee asked waving his hand in front of her face.

"Oh… sorry… I was thinking about some stuff."

"Thank Merlin we leave tomorrow for winter holidays then." Fred laughed. "Maybe you'll let your brain rest a little."

"True, well I'm going to be so I'll see you in the morning." She stood and turned to walk away.

"Hope you have another teddy to sleep in because Ron's keeping that one." George called to her retreating back. Fighting the urged to blush she responded.

"Oh I do." And waltzed up the stairs.


	3. The Transformation

Recap

_"Hope you have another teddy to sleep in because Ron's keeping that one." George called to her retreating back. Fighting the urged to blush she responded._

_"Oh I do." And waltzed up the stairs._

The next morning Hermione woke up refreshed. She rolled over to grab her wand and realized her night stand was empty.

"Effin Malfoy still has my wand." She grumbled

"And why, my dear Maya, would he have that?" a voice that could only belong to Ginny Weasley questioned.

"It's a very long story." She mumbled getting out of bed.

"We have time." Ginny smiled.

She was dressed and ready to go. Her jeans fit her petite frame perfectly and her shirt was a cute wife beater with "Single" written in pink but bubbly letters across the chest.

"Gin, what are you even doing here?"

"Well I've decided to um… well… give you a makeover. I have two very excited assistants as well. Lavender, Parvati are you girls ready?"

"Yeah!" The call came from inside the bathroom

"Gin this is a bad idea…" Maya began but was quickly cut off.

"Well there's no harm in trying." Ginny said with a maniacal gleam in her eyes that was kind of scaring her.

"Ugh… Fine but hurry up! I need to get my wand back from Malfoy."

Ando so the girls began. From top to bottom they decided. They put some conditioner in Hermione's wild hair and heated it for thirty minutes. In the mean time they had decided on cinnamon and honey colored streaks. They thinned and shaped her eyebrows and washed her face. Then the three girls separated into their separated jobs. Ginny put a regenerating mask on her face. Parvati began on her nails, shaping them, pushing back her cuticles and chose to give her a simple French manicure but added glittery stars in the center of each nail. Lavender did her toes in almost the same fashion. She smoothed, cleaned and prepped the nails and gave them a simple gloss coat but she too put stars in the middle of each nail. After a half and hour the girls took the conditioner out and added the streaks. They would have to sit for twenty minutes. They waxed hr legs and slathered them with a glittery vanilla scented lotion. Ginny had decided to put together Hermione's outfit because they had yet to take her shopping.

"Okay, Maya take a quick shower and we'll finish up." Ginny called to her. "We've got one last mission to accomplish."

"But I'm hungry!!" Maya complained as she went to step into the shower.

Parvati handed her body wash and sponge while Lavender gave her a brand new set of shampoo and conditioner.

"Too bad!" Ginny called back closing the bathroom door. "Use those and hurry up."

Parvati, Lavender and Ginny were excited. They were transforming Hogwarts bookworm into a babe. Who would've thought? Fifteen minutes later Hermione stepped out of the shower. Once again she smelled like vanilla but the streaks had been scented so her hair smelled like cinnamon and honey as well. All of the scents mingled together lightly and smelled rather good. Her hair was shiny and had smoothed into loose ringlets, her skin was smooth and had a soft glow to it. Though she didn't know why Hermione liked this new girl and was ready to show her off to the world, or at least Hogwarts. Wrapping a towel around her body she left the bathroom.

"Okay, I must admit… I like it." Hermione began and received a chorus of squeals from her friends "but what am I supposed to wear?"

"This" Ginny said moving away from the chair she had been standing in front of. "A cute red tank top with a black fitted sweater equipped with a hood, a short black ruffled mini skirt and since you can't walk in heels yet a pair of black and red K.Swiss"

"Hey this is cute" Hermione said inspecting her outfit "but where'd it come from?"

"It was magic" Parvati giggled and then straightened up with a serious face "for your underwear we bestow upon you these." She handed her a lacey red and black push up bra and the matching boy shorts.

"Thanks." Hermione said, slightly blushing but grateful.

"But it's the accessories that bring an outfit together" Lavender began with flourish. "I give you a pair of thin gold hoop earrings, a set of thin gold bangles, a gold chain belt and some gold ankle bracelets."

"Thanks guys," Hermione smiled accepting everything "it's definitely a Gryffindor outfit." The girls laughed and Ginny spoke.

"Hurry up and get dressed we still have to do your makeup!"

Hermione quickly dressed and came back out. She received some catcalls from her friends and rolled her eyes. Her hair was damp and hung to her waist so as she reach to grab a hair tie to put it up Parvati slapped her hand away.

"Leave it down." She said and Hermione nodded.

"All you need is a little eye shadow and some lip gloss." Lavender (the resident makeup expert) said smiling and pushed Hermione into a chair. "Listen carefully and I'll only have to help you once."

"Yes mum!"

"Oh shut up!" Lavender replied playfully. "first you put on a coat of the darker shade, on you I'm using a light bronze color and then you have the lighter color…gold." She blew on each of Hermione's eyelids and told her to open her eyes. "Perfect!"

"Now here." Ginny handed Maya a tube of clear lip gloss which she promptly slid across her lips. "Okay now lets get your wand back."

Lavender and Parvati wanted to already be in the Great Hall to see the reactions of their fellow students. They had paid Peeves to cause such a huge ruckus that all the teachers would have to leave as well. So they left.

"Let's go." Hermione smiled.

As they stepped out of the common room they began to talk about whatever until the dreaded question was posed.

"Now why does Malfoy have your wand again?"

"Er… well…" taking a quick glance at her friend Hermione realized that lying to her would be useless "well it began like this…"

In the five minutes it had taken to get through the story they had finally arrived at the Great Hall.

"You ready?" Ginny asked.

"No" Hermione responded "but there's no time like the present."

Ginny and Hermione walked through the doors together acting as if Hermione hadn't changed at all. The usually noisy hall was all of a sudden dead quiet. The girls took their seats across from Lavender and Parvati, said hello to their housemates and began to eat.

"DAMN!!" Came the voice of some Ravenclaw guy and then all of a sudden the hall erupted in conversation. The girls looked at each other and smiled.

"Well then," Ginny laughed "don't you have a wand to retrieve?"

"Not here or now" Maya whispered back to her "later."

"No fair! I wanted to be there when you got it back."

"Sorry Gin I've got a plan,"

a/n yea I know it was dry but I was running low on time trust me that the chappies in my head that are coming up will be much better


	4. Puppies and Plans

Recap

_"Well then," Ginny laughed "don't you have a wand to retrieve?"_

_"Not here or now" Maya whispered back to her "later." _

_"No fair! I wanted to be there when you got it back."_

_"Sorry Gin I've got a plan."_

"Draco, why are you staring at the Gryffindor table?" Blaise asked looking concerned his friends' lack of subtlety.

"I'm scared mate." Draco responded stiffly.

"I noticed you're paler than usual but I don't see why you're scared."

"She's going to want her wand back before we leave. She's got three full hours to get it and I think I'm not going to like any of her methods." He covered his face with his hands and moaned.

"Dude, I fear for your safety. We have Care of Magical Creatures and Potions… with the Gryffs before we leave." Blaise said softly.

"Shit…" Draco practically shouted, startling the first years.

"Yeah…"

Care of Magical Creatures

"Alright class" Hagrid called to the crowd "since its yer last day an' all I figured I'd let yer play with some little beasties I got…"

At the word 'beasties' everyone quieted and began to worry, Hagrid left to behind his hut and came back with two large and moving crates. Between her, Harry, Ron, and Seamus it was Maya's turn to face whatever Hagrid had brought for the class. She walked up to the crate took one look inside and squealed.

"Puppies! Oh they're so cute!" She grabbed an all black one with gorgeous ice-gray eyes and quickly went back to her seat.

"Now that yer all situated with the pups' yer should know, they're magical and each has a different power that'll begin to show as time passes. Me an' Dumbledore asked yer parents an' they all agreed that if you want you could keep 'em."

After that announcement everyone began to talk loudly about what they were going to get their puppies on the next Hogsmeade trip so Hagrid had to shout over them.

"But before you can take 'em" silence "you gotta give me a picture of the two of yer with both yer names on it an' as soon as you know what yer pups powers are you gotta tell the Headmaster. Okay _now_ you lot can talk."

The noise started up once more among the class. Harry had ended up with an all black puppy with brilliant green eyes which he named 'Sirius'. Ron got a golden colored pup with amber eyes that he named 'Cannon' after his favorite Quidditch team. Dean and Seamus both got chocolate colored dogs that they named after each other. Lavender named her all white pooch 'Lilac' while Parvati named her also all white dog 'Candy'.

"Hermione what's your pups' name?" Seamus asked her.

"I don't know yet… I want his name to reflect his bad boy attitude, any ideas?" She asked looking around the little group.

"Snoopy?"

"Buddy?"

"Tiger?"

"Sparky?"

"Felix?" Everyone looked at Ron.

"Ron _Felix _is a famous _cat._" Lavender told the dimwitted boy.

"Oh."

"What about Bandit?" Harry suggested.

"Bandit…" Hermione looked down at her puppy "what do you think?" He barked and Maya laughed. "Bandit it is then."

"Malfoy."

"Ron we're done picking names and in the bloody name of Merlin would I want to name my dog Malfoy?" She asked exasperated.

"No Maya," Harry pointed behind her "Malfoy."

"What do you want ferret?" She spat at him venomously and with an icy glare to boot.

"Question is Granger what do _you_ want?" He smirked at the dirty innuendo.

"Don't provoke me Malfoy. I'll get what's mine and then… I'll make you suffer."

All of a sudden the milky colored dog with caramel eyes that Draco had been holding jumped onto Maya's lap and began to lich her face. At the same time Bandit began to rub up against his feet.

"Bella no!"

"Bandit come here!"

The dogs took off towards the lake with their masters in tow.

"Harry what was all that about?" Seamus asked as they watched Hermione chase after her mischievous puppy.

"I have no idea…"

Fifteen minutes later the duo arrived with their dogs firmly in their arms leaving Draco to walk over to the Slytherins Hermione plopped down in between Harry and Seamus. When they tried to question her about the 'Malfoy episode' as they had deemed it she wheezed.

"Who cares… can't breathe..."

By the time she could speak again it was time for Potions. She smiled to herself as the entered the dungeons which earned her some odd stares but she continues to smile… revenge really is sweet.

Potions (first hour)

"Keep your horrid little beasts in order or else I will dock so many points that your House will be deep into the negatives." Were the first word out of Snape as he entered the classroom followed by "Granger what, may I ask, has placed that ridiculous smile on your face?"

"Nothing…" He eyed her as she answered still smiling. He turned away allowing only those closest to her to hear her finish "yet."

Draco Malfoy's Point of View

"Blaise, she's smiling… in Potions."

"Yeah I know."

"Something bad is going to happen to me if I'm here for much longer, I can feel it.

"Ask to go to the Nurse."

"Brilliant then she can't get me!"

"You sound obsessed… it's freakin' me out."

"Sorry mate, you'd be scared too though if the class brain had you as number one on her hit list."

"Probably…"

"Misters Malfoy and Zabini may I ask why you haven't started on your Legimens potion?" Snape questioned in his oily voice.

"You see Professor," Blaise began "Draco here doesn't feel well and I think he should go to see Madame Pomfrey but he doesn't want to miss class." There was a reason Blaise was the crowned Prince of Slytherin cunning a title he shared with only me.

"Go see Poppy Mr. Malfoy you do look paler than usual."

"Thank you sir, Blaise could you watch Bella for me?"

"Sure mate."

I watched the smile fall off of Grangers face and knew I had done a very good thing. I will have to get Blaise and his new puppy Caesar extremely good Christmas gifts.


	5. Revenge At All Costs

Recap 

_I watched the smile fall off of Grangers face and knew I had done a very good thing. I will have to get Blaise and his new puppy Caesar extremely good Christmas gifts. _

**Hermione Granger's Point of View**

"Damn that ferret! He ruined my plan!"

"What plan Maya?"

"Oh nothing Neville, look our Potion is almost done." _All I have to do is have to do is spill some unfinished potion on me and go to the nurse…_

"Neville could you hand me that vile?"

"Sure."

I watched with guilty pleasure while I 'tried' to pull him out of harms way and almost screamed with satisfaction when a fair amount of the Legimens potion splashed into my face.

"Longbottom! What have you done now?"

"Oh I'm so sorry Maya, nothing Professor Snape sir."

"It's okay Neville, no harm done." _Damn!_

_Thank Merlin now Professor Scary can't bitch!_

The thought floated through my mind in Neville's voice. _Oh no!_

"Sorry Nev I didn't quite catch that…" _I better be wrong._

"I said that I was sorry." _Suck on that Snape_

"That's what I thought." _Oh damn, this is NOT good._

_Yeah you beg Neville! Maybe I'll let you off with just a little spanking._

"WHAT?!?! Ron that was disgusting you pervert!!"

"HUH? Maya I haven't said anything!"

"RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY STOP YOUR TRAIN OF THOUGHT THIS INSTANT OR I WILL CASTRATE YOU!"

"I take it, Miss Granger, that you can hear the thoughts of those around you?"

"Yes sir."

"To the nurse's office with you then. Zabini you will escort her and check up on Mister Malfoy."

"Yes sir." _Drake is so fucked._

"He sure is Zabini. Harry will you take my stuff and Bandit."

"No problem Maya hope the people in your head go away." _Now you're officially as crazy as I knew you were._

"Shut your face Potter."

"Ouch Maya." _You wound me with your angry words_

"I'll give you ouch." _I'll kill you Potter_

"GET OUT!!" _stupid fucking kids--- whoops. Shut up Granger!_

"Yes sir." _In the words of Neville, 'suck on that Snape!'_

"Oh and thirty points from Gryffindor for spilling the potion Longbottom, ten for shouting in my class and making threats Miss Granger and ten for having inappropriate thoughts in my class Weasley."

**End P.o.V**

"Uh… Granger?" Blaise asked once they were in the corridor.

"Yes I am going to hurt him profusely." Hermione answered reading the question from his mind.

"Could you not do that?" He asked freaked out of how easily she broke through his well constructed barriers.

"I can't control it, sorry. But don't think you're off the hook either Zabini. You were most definitely there that night." She said turning to face him and instantly realized how concerned he was for his friend. _Too bad._

She knew that now was no time for mercy. She had only one hour to get her wand back and since her first plan had been thwarted Hermione was going to do what she learned at camp over summer holiday, improvise. Nearing the Hospital Wing she stole Blaise's wand, hit him with a stunner, turned his hair red and gold, and made it so he would only say the phrase 'I love Gryffindors' but he wouldn't be able to tell. She woke him up and mentioned that the hair was payback.

"Where's my favorite ferret?" She called into the empty wing. At the sound of a curtain closing she snapped her head to the left and spotted her prey. "Never mind… I found you."

"Now Granger lets be reasonable.." Draco stuttered fearing for his future health. _Well at least we're already in the hospital wing_

"Yes I supposed that is fortunate for you ferret. But what isn't is that due to a little incident I can now read your thoughts."

Grabbing the nearest metal object she straddled Draco and pushed him back on the bed.

"Do you like my payback?" She asked in a sultry voice forgetting that Blaise was looking on.

"Drake look out!" Blaise tried to shout in warning to his friend.

"That's nice Blaise but a tad random." Draco responded confused while Hermione giggled.

"Well where were we?" Hermione was trying to get back on task.

"You were asking if I liked your revenge and I must say I do."

"Really?" She got a maniacal gleam in her eyes and raised the metal pot "How about now lover boy?" She asked and began to beat him with previously mentioned metal pot.

She had managed to keep a hold of Blaise's wand and had strapped Draco to the bed leaving him helpless in her attack. She beat him with said metal pot before her wand fell out of an oddly still Draco's pocket. Scrambling off the bed she picked it up and removed the stupefy. When he still didn't move she neared the bed took one look at his overly pale face and began to cry.

"Oh you stupid ferret… who said you were allowed to die. I didn't mean to honest. I just wanted my wand back. I promise that if you live I wont let Ron kick your ass for the rest of the year…"

"You've got yourself a deal Granger, not that he could kick my ass… so stop sobbing and help me heal these bruises."

At the look in her face both Blaise and Draco could tell that they had done a very bad thing. Hermione's eyes were red and puffy from crying, she was flushed in anger and her hair was wild from her brutal assault. If either boy had ever seen an Amazon woman in a rage they would have immediately compared that to Hermione and run off in the other direction. Neither boy moved but a single thought crossed both their minds.

_Oh shit._

"Oh shit indeed boys."


	6. Of Shits and Giggles

Recap 

_Neither boy moved but a single thought crossed both their minds._

_Oh shit._

_"Oh shit indeed boys." _

"Ha. Ha. Granger? You aren't going to hurt me right? I mean I didn't do anything." Blaise tried to plead his innocence.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" A thundering voice resounded through the Hospital Wing.

Dropping her weapon Hermione turned to face Dumbledore and Pomfrey, threw herself down onto the floor and began to sob.

"Oh Professors it's horrible! I keep hearing everyone's voices in my head. Zabini brought me here but as soon as I walked in I was bombarded with thoughts other than my own and it wouldn't stop and it got louder and words swirled together until I just couldn't take it. I hexed Zabini and tried to beat Malfoy with this pot just so they would stop thinking. I'm so sorry and I understand if you expel me but I just couldn't help myself. I'm sorry."

Needless to say the two boys were utterly impressed and shocked that Gryffindors golden girl had the ability to skirt the truth so well. It seemed a little bipolar how quickly she managed to go from manically enraged to helplessly distressed, especially since it was false. Yet if she was going to keep them out of trouble there was no way they weren't going to agree.

"I LOVE GRYFFINDORS!" Was all Albus Dumbledore managed to understand from Zabini and his account of what had happened before they entered the Wing.

"I take it then that is the hex you placed on him? Does he recognize what he is saying Miss Granger?"

"Yes and no sir."

"Very well, Miss Granger let me assure you that you will not be expelled for this incident but you may want to wash your hands before I continue because you did brutally assault Mr. Malfoy here with a chamber pot." Dumbledore chuckled

Looking at the floor Hermione noticed that her weapon of choice had indeed been a chamber pot and quickly sprinted to the nearest sink mumbling something along the lines of 'ew… gross… nasty…' over and over again. All eyes were on the girl as she furiously scrubbed her hands, completely forgetting that she wasn't alone for a good seven minutes. Finally Professor Dumbledore called her back to attention and had the Nurse check her over.

"I'm sorry Albus but there seems to be nothing wrong with her. It's as if these genes were recessive and the half-finished potion brought them out in her." Madame told the headmaster while looking at the girl sadly.

"Well I guess that's all we can do but I'm sure Miss Granger here will master her new found power soon." Dumbledore smiled cheerily while everyone in the Hospital Wing gaped at him.

"That's it?!?! I get kidnapped, have my wand stolen, out-femaled by my best male friend, made over, forced to attend classes, have some half-completed potion spilled on me making me hear other peoples thoughts, lose my fellows Gryffs 20 house points, assault a student with a chamber pot and you wipe your hands clean of me?"

"Well would you like a lemon drop as well?" Dumbledore asked with a slightly furrowed brow.

"NO! I would like for someone to FIX me! How am I supposed to live like this?"

As she looked around the room she realized not only had she said too much but had lost her mind in the process. _You can handle this; you're not the class brain for nothing!_ She thought to herself. Then she smiled, fixed her hair, smoothed out her clothing and giggled out a "Just kidding!" for the sake saving grace. So after a stern lecture from Madame Pomfrey about how children shouldn't resort to violence and especially not when under the influence of drugs they were sent on their way.

"Uh Granger?"

"Not now Malfoy! And no I don't forgive you or Zabini because you two have officially driven me crazy! At least only a hand full of people knew beforehand. Now the fucking staff knows so I say, I'm screwed."

"Wow! Well I won't tell anyone as long as you promise never to brutally assault me in such a manner or speak of this ever again."

"Sure besides I won't have to speak of beating you with a chamber pot because you'll have to do it to explain why you smell like ass."

"She's got you there Drake."

"Shut your face Zabini."

"Vengeance will be mine boys."

"But..."

"Hahaha! Just kidding, we're even, but please stop thinking because the way your words are swirling makes for a naughty conversation in my head."

At this both boys had to stop and stare as the girl continued walking back to the Potions lab. They looked at each other in shock.

"Blimey mate I think we really did brake her." Blaise said after a minute.

"Potter's going to bloody murder us if she tells him the entire story, hell he'll kill us if she even gives him the mini-story." Draco responded with a shiver. "I think we'll make it the other hour though because she wouldn't dare tell him till we're gone right?"

"Way to be optimistic Drake. She said we were even with _her_ not that we're off scott-free with her friends."

"Damn…"

"Yeah…"

They continued to walk and finally after a five minutes arrived at the potions room where an impatient Hermione had waited for them.

"I'm standing here because if I had walked in alone with you two behind me it would have looked suspicious. No, I will not stop reading your minds. Yes, it's mostly because I can't. And if you ever think that again I swear being beaten by a girl with a chamber pot will be the least of your worries." She added the last part with a sharp glare at a quickly reddening Draco.

Turning around and each taking a deep breath they opened the door and were met with the sight of what could only be described as a riot. Students, Gryff and Slyth alike were cowering atop the tables, papers, ink bottles, quills and books were strewn everywhere, Snape was shouting obscenities, Harry was laughing hysterically along with Seamus, Theodore Nott was doing a victory dance with Pansy and in the center of it all were two very familiar pups.

"Bandit…" Hermione whispered horrified.

"Bella..." Draco whispered equally if not more horrified.

"You two are so shat!" Blaise whispered to them both and they nodded numbly.

"Will you stop thinking of all the bad shit that's going to happen to us because it's making my thoughts even worse." Hermione managed to whisper even through her dismay.

"I'm being realistic. This is Severus Snape we're talking about; there is nothing he wouldn't do to people who deface his precious potions lab." Draco replied.

"They weren't even in our care when this happened."

"So?"

"Well how could we be blamed?"

"Once again, Severus Snape."

"Oh shit."

"Oh shit indeed." An eerily calm and silky voice came from behind them.

_Déjà vu much?_ Draco thought.

"Hell yes." Hermione replied.

Blaise had sidled away from the pair over to Theo and Pansy where he sat down to watch the upcoming show. Friend or not Drake was more shat than a diaper on a baby and Granger well… might want to offer sexual favors to get herself out of this one.

"ZABINI!!" Hermione shouted after catching that last thought. At this the whole class quieted and like Blaise sat down, still atop desks, to watch the show.

"Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy…" Snape began, the only part of him betraying his calm demeanor where his furiously glittering eyes that were currently boring into them. "Are these lovely little things yours?" He said motioning to the puppies that had, at the sight of their master and mistress, run over to them.

"Uh… haha… Uncle Sev you wouldn't punish your favorite Godson would you? I mean it was a complete accident and I wasn't even here. I had left Blaise in charge of Bella and you sent him for me so I say we blame Weasley for being a redhead." The boy rambled on using pet names, his family status and inside jokes to sway his godfather.

"Fine Draco, you are forgiven and your little beast too. But you, Miss Granger are in deep trouble!" He said turning on her.

_Flash him some boobs Granger and I swear you'll be alright… well at least in my books._ Blaise thought loudly to purposely throw her off.

_Come on Maya, let's go!_ Harry cheered for her in his head to encourage one of those evasive and witty comebacks she was known for.

_Oh man Maya's going to die._ Neville thought sadly.

_Ha suck on that Granger… oh shit she can read my thoughts… just kidding my merciful, caring, favorite, amazing Gryff._ Draco thought

A swirl of thoughts bombarded her at once making her eyes squint which looked like a glare in the mind of the Potions master.

"How about you shut your face so I could think straight." She spoke as her reply to each of the thoughts but seemed to only be directed at the Professor that was currently standing in front of her.

"What did you say?" He asked wondering if the girl had finally lost her overcrowded mind or just had a death wish.

"You heard me! And yes I lost my mind and I may have a death wish but I'm not sure of what the 36th sexy naked man should be offering me."

Silence reigned in the classroom as the levelheaded bookworm covered her mouth in surprise. Everyone looked around with the same question floating around in their minds. _Did she just say what I think she said?_ Taking a quick sweep around the room she smiled, smoothed her clothes and giggled a quick "just kidding." Before swooping up her puppy, snatching up her bag and abandoning the classroom as soon as she could.

"Thank god for the holidays eh Professor?" Harry chanced but at the look the speechless Potions master gave him, he and the rest of the class quickly followed Hermione in departing.

A/N: I know it's been a while and I won't give you any excuses. I was lazy and I'm sorry. I had lost interest in the story but now I'm back full force. Review and let me know what you think!


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